destiny

i never thought of myself as a romantic. definitely not a hopeless romantic. i don't really like watching chick-flick romantic movies, though from time to time i do find it entertaining in between stressful days, but definitely not a choice to see during my trip to the movie theaters. i'm also not a mushy type and i was always OK finding myself spending saturday night with my girlfriends instead of that special someone. even when i have a boyfriend, i don't like to say "i love you" so much, cuz for me, it should be said when you really mean it. not just because.

but now i realize that being romantic does not mean that you don't do girly-mushy-stuff like that. i am a romantic. a different kind. maybe i'm one called the realist romantic. i don't daydream about love and my prince charming, but i believe in the destiny that i will find him because he's also looking for me. i believe that i don't have to look for him cuz everything happens to me.. happens for a reason. and all the reasons are for us to meet halfway.

i am a romantic cuz i believe in love. i am a romantic cuz i believe that people should be paired with their soulmate. but i also realize that it does not happen just like that. love takes work. though i'm not one who looks like really looking for love, i do. but it's not an obsession. i know a lot of people younger than me who are obsessed that their age has reached to the point that they should be married or already find that special someone. many are already happily married and have kids, but there are some even divorced. it's their path they have chosen.

since i'm back to the motherland, like many other single female my age, my mom also have implicitly asked me about my special someone or when i plan to marry. but i love my mom so much cuz she does not ask about it like in gazilion times. she keeps it to herself. she just asked me once and just monitor what i do and remind me if i've gone too far, like to caught up with work and forgot to socialize.

one sunday afternoon, i spent a quality time with my mom. started from just accompanying her to her friend's daughter's wedding, we ended up doing a window-shopping spree at the mall. we don't necessarily buy anything but during the process, in between the lookout of the lovely bags and a cute t-shirt for a young cousin, we got to talk. she expressed how she's worry but she doesn't want to show me. she said that she believes that i know what i'm doing and she understands that i'm only trying to adjust myself with my career. she also sure that i will not ignore the fact that my birthday just passed and i'm a year older and more and more ready for the next stage of my life. she believes that i will do my best.

from way before, i always convince her that it's my choice to do this. not because i ignore any guy who want to be close to me. but because i want to make sure i find the right person. not because the age pressure, the peer pressure or the parent's pressure. but purely because it's right, period. i'd rather get marry later but i totally know what i'm getting myself into then early but totally clueless of what's going on.

all my life i've always been independent, so what's the different about making this decision?

during that talk, i open up a bit to mom. i'm sure it calms her a little. all i know.. i do believe in destiny. i'm an optimist person and anything that happens to me, i always believe that it happens for a reason. i always look for a silver lining beyond every clouds, because that's just how you should live life to the fullest. just like now.. it is my destiny to go home one-and-a-half years ago. and it was my destiny to join my old job before i come to my present one. and it's my destiny to meet him.